You Need to Know These Revealing Narcissistic Mother traits

The internet is full of articles about the typical narcissistic mother traits. Instead of adding on, today we’re going to look at some lesser-known characteristics.

These are the things your mother does that confuse you into believing she cares. Maybe some kindness gave you a glimmer of hope she may be normal after all.

If she’s not all bad, can she still be narcissistic? Let’s find out.

What are the revealing narcissistic mother traits?

The problem with these traits is they can lull you into believing your mother is loving. This is likely your inner child holding onto any scraps of evidence that she truly cares about you.

Breadcrumbing

Another word for intermittent reinforcement, breadcrumbing keeps you hooked in. Like the dopamine hit associated with gambling or addictive phone use, the unpredictability keeps you coming back.

For example, she may send you a text out of the blue after ignoring your repeated attempts at communication. She may give you a hug after a long, cold period of withdrawal.

A rare compliment breaks the pattern of incessant criticism. She makes promises about future plans that never seem to pan out.

These “breadcrumbs” of positive regard are calculated to keep you off kilter, never knowing which version of her you will get. They keep you under her control and at her mercy, like an addict to her drug of choice.

empathy/compassion (but it’s fake)

Narcissists learn early on how to feign the emotions of regular people. They’ve been wearing a mask most of their lives and this is one of the ways they hide in plain sight.

They can pretend to care when it serves them or helps them fit in and avoid being discovered. If your mother senses you are pulling away, for example, she will act as though she cares to get you back in line.

The only emotion they feel is for themselves. You will notice the waterworks come on when they feel they’ve been slighted or face losing someone.

But it’s not the sense of loss a normal person feels. It’s more like the way a baby cries when you take away a precious toy. That’s what you are to her…an object.

wants you to shine (but not too much)

You may argue that your mother encourages you to do your best and expresses pride when you excel at something.

She wants you to succeed to the extent that it makes her look and feel good as a mother. That’s your job: to reflect her back to herself.

But if that spotlight shines too brightly on you and detracts from her…you’ll find her pride soon turns to scorn and jealousy.

You’ll start dimming your light and walking a tightrope of being good but not too good to stay in her good graces.

plausible deniability

This form of gaslighting is a favored tool of the covert narcissist. She will give you a backhanded compliment so she can deny any ill will when you call her out on it.

She will say things in ways that could be interpreted differently depending on the listener. So when you share it with someone, she can say that’s not what she meant.

She’ll pretend not to remember or understand what you’re talking about when you ask for accountability for something she’s done to you.

You’ll come across as overly sensitive and accusatory while she comes out smelling like a rose. “Who me? she’ll ask innocently while batting her eyelashes and holding a hand to her heart.

she’s not all bad!

No one is all bad all the time, even a narcissist. You may cling to these rare glimmers of affection and attention as a sign that she really cares.

Narcissists do have the ability to feel good, especially when things are going their way. And they can appear pleasant during these times.

A notorious narcissistic trait is the charm offensive to get what they want. They use intermittent kindness to lure you back in if they sense you are “on to them” and pulling away.

These tactics are unbelievably powerful in the hands of your mother, even hypnotic. They will have you forgetting everything that’s gone on before, in your desperate need to believe “mommy loves me”.

Far into adulthood, your unhealed inner child will cling to these breadcrumbs of hope. That’s because the child inside still believes you need mother to survive.

last words

Now you know the most revealing narcissistic mother traits… that may seem confusing at first.

You don’t have to waste any more energy convincing yourself that these traits mean something they don’t. Yes, narcissistic mothers can be nice some of the time. And, no, they’re not all bad all the time.

Your best defense against falling under the spell of these narcissistic mother traits is inner child healing. This will help you overcome the deep-seated belief that you’ll die without your mother’s love and support.

Now, I’d love to offer you my free guide “3 Myths About Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers”. Enter your email below to get a copy sent to your inbox.